After noticing some possible red flags I decided to contact Carlos’ ex-wife and ask what her experience with him was. She was really polite about explaining that she wouldn’t go into details of their relationship out of respect for his privacy. But she did explain that she had experienced emotional, psychological, social, and financial abuse from him and has been in therapy for PTSD since leaving him. She explained the closest thing that matched was when a therapist explained that Carlos sounded like he is a covert narcissist. Even after their relationship ended he dragged her through over a year of social legal dramas saying he couldn’t handle the embarrassment of a break up. Basically he didn’t want the responsibility of a relationship but he didn’t want her to be with anyone else. She did say she wasn’t sure if he wanted to or even could change but when I described what I was noticing she said it matched with the first red flags she noticed too.
He’s a generally popular and social guy and really has the successful “nice guy” image going for him. But it’s just a mask. Apparently he’s really needy, picky, and finds ways to always blame/manipulate his partner. This matched with the red flags I was starting to pick up on. I decided to phase out dating with him by being really busy and found out he was dating two other women even though he kept bringing up living together and saying how he’d never felt so passionate about another woman before meeting me. I recently found out that he is actually in a longterm relationship while he was dating me and the two other women. And this woman has kids which makes it even more terrible. Really feel like a dodged a bullet.