In January 2013, I noticed that my husband’s cell phone habits changed dramatically. He would either leave the phone in the car or bring it into the house, but keep it turned off all the time. I went thru his phone and learned he was having frequent, long conversations with a 29-year old female Puerto Rican co-worker who is also married. He deleted his call log trying to keep me from calling her or knowing her number. Long story short, we got into a huge fight and he terminated his service and destroyed the phone. Two weeks later he bought a new phone, which he kept hidden and didn’t tell me about. I found out about it and confronted him on that too. His co-worker is a bit slow and she naively thought she could just vent with him about her horrible marriage and he would be a “father figure” to her as she has real “daddy” issues.
My husband is in his late 60’s and he used her naiveté and vulnerability to try to get into her pants. I started showing up at his job unannounced with the excuse to go to lunch/dinner with him, since I couldn’t afford a Private Eye. One day, while there, I finally met her. He was very visibly nervous so my antenna went up immediately. Just as I was leaving, I happened to run into her and introduced myself. I didn’t make a scene because I didn’t have 100% evidence that anything was going on and it could have cost my husband to lose his job and we desperately need this income. He works in the public eye where there is high customer traffic, so I couldn’t just go in and make a scene. Later, I found out that around that time, he made a pass at her that totally creeped her out. From that moment on, she quit calling his phone. I’m thinking to myself that I was intuitive enough to almost catch him in something that he wouldn’t dare be stupid enough to try anything like that again. Boy, was I wrong because he bought a burner phone (which I never found) and set his sights on a 41 yr. old Latina from Colombia. She became his mistress and it lasted about two weeks until she dumped him. She soon figured out that he was just a big bullshit artist.
I only recently learned about this Colombiana (who I call Mistress #1), but the plot thickens…as I was accidentally thrown onto the trail of Mistress #2. Fast forward 10 months later, in October, I found a house key that he had hidden. It was pure coincidental that I found it and was devastated because I knew a man only keeps a house key hidden for one purpose – to secretly rendezvous with his lover. He has always had an eye for hairdressers and Latinas. There just happens to be a Latin hair salon less than 100 ft. from his job. I went there to get my hair done and gather intel. While there, I got to talking to the manicurist and learned that she was a single mom and lived literally around the corner from the salon. She was a 38-year old Puerto Rican Hottie with big boobs and a nice body. I’m 50+ and very ill with a permanent, chronic and progressive auto-immune disease, I can’t compete with that. My disease brings anxiety and depression, so this new info just set me into a tailspin. He thought he was smart relegating his rendevous to his hour long meal breaks. He could drive to her house located less than 2 miles from his job in 2 minutes, have sex with her, eat, and still drive back to his job all under 45 minutes. I had to start worrying about if he had contracted an STD and the possibility of him transmitting it to me. I already have a highly compromised immune system due to the chemo-like drugs I have to take for my disease.
Fortunately, he didn’t infect me with anything!! I confronted him again and as usual he lied and denied everything. I told him that it’s hard to have a marriage when there are 3 people in it. Shortly thereafter, he broke it off with her and she left her sunglasses in our car. I have since texted her as I wanted to meet with her and get the truth since my cowardly, lying, cheating S.O.B. of a husband won’t come clean with me. I just wanted answers from her and have some closure as he refuses to come clean. I don’t want to go off on her and am way too sick to get into a confrontation with her. My elderly mother lives with us too. His constant shenanigans in 2013-2014 severely affected her health and mine. We both ended up in the hospital numerous times because of his constant philandering, which brought a lot of stress into our household. She had several falls last year and finally had an accident this year which required two major surgeries and a long recuperation period. I wouldn’t wish what she and I have been thru on my worst enemy. We literally live hand-to-mouth, so the thoughts of him spending money on these putas, just sickened me.
Unfortunately, I am seriously sick and cannot ever work again and have no income, no health insurance, no savings, so I just cannot get up and leave. On top of all of this, he started becoming very controlling with “his” money, and having frequent meltdowns. He’s on medication now, but his actions so disrupted our lives that I had to start taking an anxiety medication. Basically, my very unhealthy 84+ year old Mom and I are trapped. We do not have the monies, energy or wherewithal to move out.